Whether you’re trying to understand why someone suddenly stopped talking to you, how to handle emotional cheating, or how to heal from heartbreak, it’s natural to want to understand how relationships work.Every relationship is different, so there is no single experience that applies to everyone. However, most couples go through similar stages as their relationship develops over time. These stages may look a little different for people who have non-traditional relationship arrangements, but many of the same challenges and experiences still appear as the relationship grows stronger.Understanding the common stages of a relationship can help you make sense of your own experiences, communicate about them more easily, and realize that many other people go through similar things. Let’s look at how relationships often develop, based on a therapist’s perspective.
Typical Stages of a Relationship
Honeymoon Phase: Start to 1 Year
This stage is often called the honeymoon phase, and it is very real. The beginning of a new relationship is exciting. You are getting to know someone you really like, and they feel the same way about you. You want to learn everything about them, spend as much time with them as possible, and enjoy the excitement, curiosity, and butterflies that come with a new romance.
During this stage, people often get carried away by strong romantic feelings. They may believe they have found “the one” and experience a deep sense of passion and attraction.
Because emotions are so intense, it is usually best to avoid making major decisions too quickly, such as moving in together or getting engaged. Enjoy the happiness and excitement of this stage, but give the relationship time to grow before taking big steps. For most couples, this phase lasts somewhere between six months and two years, though it often starts to fade after about a year.
There is also a scientific reason why the honeymoon phase feels so powerful. During this stage, the brain releases higher levels of chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline. Dopamine creates feelings of pleasure and reward, serotonin contributes to happiness, and adrenaline brings excitement and energy.
Together, these chemicals can make you focus mainly on the positive qualities of the other person and overlook some of their flaws. This is normal, as long as you stay aware and make thoughtful decisions. Over time, these chemical effects become less intense, allowing you to see the relationship more clearly and move into the next stage.
Back-to-Reality Phase: 1-2 Years
Many people see this as one of the most important stages of a relationship because it can determine whether the relationship will continue to grow or eventually end.
During the honeymoon phase, your partner often seems perfect, and you may not have discovered any serious problems yet. Sometimes people are simply looking for a short, exciting romance, and that is okay.
However, if you want a long-term relationship, this stage becomes very important. This is usually when things start to get more serious. You may begin discussing difficult topics, meeting each other’s friends and family, and noticing habits or differences that could lead to important conversations.
Instead of avoiding these issues, it is better to face them together. Strong relationships are built through honest communication, openness, and trust. Ask questions, share your thoughts honestly, and listen carefully to your partner.
This stage often lays the foundation for the future of the relationship. If your partner is unwilling to have honest and open conversations, it may be a sign of a deeper problem. Pay attention to how people behave during this phase and accept what their actions show you about who they are.
It is also important to remember that ending a relationship is not a failure. Sometimes a relationship is simply not the right fit. Choosing to leave an unhealthy or incompatible relationship can be just as positive and successful as staying in a healthy one.
Decision-Making Phase: 2-3 years
At this stage of a relationship, everything is open and honest. You both know each other’s past experiences, insecurities, weaknesses, communication challenges, deepest needs, and biggest fears. There are very few secrets left, and both people have shown their true selves.
This stage can be difficult because if the relationship seems unlikely to work, it can be especially painful to walk away after becoming so emotionally vulnerable with each other.
At the same time, this stage is very important because it helps you decide whether you are truly compatible. By now, you have a clear picture of who the other person is. You can see whether your lifestyles, values, and views on important things—such as communication, personal growth, therapy, and emotional support—fit well together.
This is often the stage where a major decision must be made. You can choose to work together as a team and face your challenges, or you can decide that the relationship is not the right fit and go your separate ways.
Some people make a different choice. Even when they recognize serious problems or differences, they stay together because the relationship feels familiar and comfortable. While this is understandable, it may prevent them from finding a deeper and healthier connection.
The hope is that people do not settle simply because a relationship feels safe or familiar. Instead, they should seek a relationship that offers genuine compatibility, emotional closeness, and a strong connection.
Settling Down Phase: 3+ years
In this relationship stage, there likely won’t be a lot of surprises. Sure, there are always some surprises because we’re all ever-evolving human beings. But there are a lot less than you likely experienced in the first few phases of a relationship. This part is refreshing because you feel known and have the privilege of truly knowing your partner — it’s beautiful and sweet while also being relatively predictable, in a comforting way. The relationship has likely developed its own language for navigating the world together. Of course, this time period won’t always be sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, but it will likely be easier to navigate uncomfortable conversations, situations, and shortcomings because of the years of practiced communication.
There is, of course, a difference between settling down with someone after three years, five years, or 10 years. Regardless of how long you’ve been together, however, this stage allows the partners to fully sink into being their most genuine, whole selves and know that their partner(s) are doing their best to be attentive, loving, and open with them (and vice versa). This stage provides a lot of security, which is especially important for those who crave security and allows the partners to sink into one another fully.
When you’re settling down with someone, there’s different brain chemistry at play compared to, say, that which occurs during the honeymoon phase. The two hormones that are shown to be needed in healthy, happy long-term relationships are the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin increases attachment, decreases fear, pain, and stress, and helps regulate the immune system. Vasopressin plays an important role in social behavior, sexual motivation, pairing/bonding, and stress response.
The shift from the honeymoon phase hormones into the long-term relationship “settling down hormones” could manifest in feeling less sexual desire towards your partner, and that’s okay. The reality of long-term relationships that have a sexual component is that the sexual relationship is going to ebb and flow. There are three important things to do when you feel this: acknowledge it, communicate about it, and start creating new ways to feel intimacy together. This is also an important moment to ask yourself if you’re still prioritizing yourself, your needs, wants, desires, and passions. When you have an empty cup, it’s really hard to pour into your relationship.
What to Know About Relationship Stages IRL
Aside from the four phases above, there are even more little stages mixed in that can be important relationship landmarks. These four are arguably the biggest, most notable relationship stages that happen in a longer-term relationship. While they all might be caused by different reasons and look vastly different from the outside, their coding is very similar.
Hopefully, you find this comforting because it’s helpful to enter relationships with a little “handbook,” so to speak. The truth is, no one person or relationship is perfect, and we’re all continuously figuring it out. Everyone has the potential to learn, grow, and add to their tool belts to be better equipped in existing and future relationships.
Read more; Wayibo Relationships
